Waiting

This seems to be the word of the week: waiting. Anticipation. Knowing this child could literally come any day, and expecting, hoping...but nothing yet. It's been a bit difficult, as we've been looking forward to "November 1st" for 9 months, and now it's November 6th, and there's not really an end it sight yet. I'm thankful for the days I've had to rest and relax this past week, although knowing I started maternity leave from work with no baby has been a bit bittersweet at times. For Jim, he starts his 2 weeks of leave Monday, and was hoping to have the full 2 weeks with his son, but that may not happen, and he's learning how to deal with that bit of disappointment. My mom came after my due date (one day) hoping to time it as best as possible...and while she's excited to be here for the actual birth, she also knows that every day she's here and I don't go into labor is one less day she has with her grandson, which I know is so very difficult.

It's been hard for me too, as I do in fact want him here, but there's nothing I can really do about it right now (if I'm wanting this to progress naturally, which I do). So when I can see the disappointment in other people's faces every day he's not here, I feel almost responsible. I know this logically makes no sense, but believe me, with pregnancy hormones, logic doesn't matter. What has been good, however, is that even in just a few days' time, God has been using this time to teach me more about patience and His sovereignty, and for that, I am truly thankful. Knowing I really have no control over this, and knowing that God has ordained each of Graham's days from before time began, is such an amazing concept; such a humbling thing to learn. God hasn't been bound by "11/1/11" at all-He knows the exact time, day and way in which our baby boy will make his arrival into this world, and it will be beautiful, and in just the way it's supposed to be-whether that happens tonight or a week from now, it will be just as it is meant to be. We have a hope...a hope that is a confident expectation, an eager longing...knowing that at the end we will hold our bundle of joy-our son. I couldn't ask for a better longing than that.